Slow Dance

have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round?
or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?
ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
or gazed at the moon into the night?

do you run through each day on the fly?
when you ask, "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?
when the day is done, do you lie in your bed
with the next hundred chores running through your head?

ever told your loved ones, 'Will do it tomorrow?'
and in your haste, not see their sorrow?
ever lost touch, let a good friendship die
cause you never had time to keep in touch or say "Hi"?

when you run so fast to get somewhere
you miss half the fun of getting there.
when you worry and hurry through your day,
it is like an unopened gift thrown away.

life is not a race,you'd better slow down.
do take it slower,don't dance so fast.
hear the music,it won't last.
'coz time we all have is short.

Dream!

I stood there, trying to understand it all. This is it, I thought. This is where it all ends.
I heard a sound behind me. Closing my eyes, I screamed...
I woke up.
Blearily, I turned and looked at the clock on the study table beside me. 9.35. I'm late, I thought.
I got up, my back leaving a faint outline of sweat on the sheets. It was winter. Folding the blanket, I thought about the dream. It seemed so real. How could a dream be so real?
I shuddered and put the blanket aside and the pillow on top of it.
I remembered about her. She should be waiting for me now at the cafe. I had promised to meet her so that we could have breakfast together.
I reached for my cell phone and dialed her number.
"Hey ?, it's me."
"What?"
"It's me. I'll be bit late."
"Wrong number."
I dialed again. Slowly.
"?-"
"Wrong number."
Could she have lent her cell phone to one of her friends? I thought. But I just called her last night. Or maybe she has lost her cell phone on the way and someone picked it up. Never mind, I'll find out soon.
I took off my shorts and searched for my jeans. I remember hanging them behind the door last night before I slept. But they weren't there now. I looked inside the closet and under the study table. Perhaps Mother had put them to wash. Damn it, I thought. I hate it when she sneaks into my room and tries to clean it.
Sighing, I took out another pair of jeans from the closet and slipped into them. I couldn't recall buying these though. Mother must have bought them for me, not the color I wanted. But I felt comfortable in them. I hoped she wouldn't mind buying them next time, in blue.
I glanced at the clock. 9.42. Enough time to brush my teeth. I went into the bathroom.
"What the-" I retreated, my legs knocked against the toilet. Falling, I grabbed the basin and balanced myself.
I looked at the face in the mirror again.
It can't be, I thought. I rubbed my eyes, held the face and pinched the cheeks. It can't be.
I got out of the bathroom. I picked up the cell phone, wanting to call Dad or Mother, but the battery had gone flat. I tried the door but it was locked. I searched for the door key in the closet's drawer and the room, but the key was missing.
I stood there, trying to understand it all.
A dream, I thought. A bad dream...
I woke up.

Who the hell was she!?? Who knows?

Am I in Love?

Today I am not feeling well. I mean I am fine health wise, but some baddish feeling is there somewhere and because of that feeling, I am getting a bit irritated. I have too many things on my mind and nearly all of them are important. I am not that suitable frame of mind at this moment to handle all this. I know I can handle it, but it will surely take some time. And time is what I don’t have. I am not dying or anything, but I roughly have 4 months in which I have to settle at least half of these dilemmas. I am royally messed up and all confused. I do not even know if what I am writing is making any sense!

One thing I am sure of is that I am a bit closer to what I want in terms of my career. I hope that it will be done with minimum hassles. I am trying hard to get it.
The other thing; girls. Why won’t a normal person, not want to be with girls, want to fall in love at this age? There I used the much-dreaded word, ‘LOVE’. And this is bugging me greatly. I feel that I am lonely and really need someone to get over the loneliness now. I want to fall in love. It has been a long time since I have been in love (Don’t know if it was love, it was a long
time back). I do have a crush on someone I know, call it infatuation, obsession, passion (all mean the same I guess) or anything else, I don’t care. And I hope I know what it exactly is soon. I am interested in making a move (if you get what I mean), but there are other priorities that need to be taken care of first. Moreover, if I have to take care of that, all this will have to wait for another 3 years or so, and then it would be late. This may be the punishment I get, for the misdoings in the past and I know I have to overcome them at any cost. And I will pull it off, somehow. That’s what I think.
It is not that I don’t have the guts (I agree, better say I don’t have some guts) to talk to the girl. Nevertheless, when I do, I’m unable to convey my feelings in a proper way to her. I just want to ask her out, for a coffee or something and then may be know what she thinks. It’s not that it would rush things, friends can/do go out right? Only if I could tell her! Another thing is that I am a bit afraid to get hurt; I have been hurt more times, than I could think of deserving. I know that there are many girls out there but I certainly don’t have that much time to go after them to find the ONE. I know many girls with whom I would like to talk; but I think most of them are out of the league. And amongst it all, the girls I like are either engaged, going around or not interested at all. Most of the girls my age are nowhere to be seen. Still I could feel that I am in love (I think I am), yet all those things seem too far away from me. So close, but how far! What should I do? How can I find out if anyone out there likes me? (Not the ones I don’t want to be with ever) How can I ask her out once? I have a feeling that she won’t, still I’m an optimistic about it.

Words like marriage, family, money, job and other responsibilities are crossing my mind and scaring the shit out of me. I can’t avoid them either. As the matter of fact, in about 4-5 years or so I have to face them head on and embrace them. Let’s hope for the best.

If you don’t get it, forget it? (What I have written that is!)
More next time.

Happy New Year?!

Well it’s that time of the year again. I still cannot describe precisely how I feel. I am confused, irritated, sad, and a bit happy! Well all of it and many more of other things I am feeling. Another year is ending, much like previous 2-3 years. Not very fruitful year for me in some ways. Very unexpected things happened this time around. I am still much far away from what I want and I really hope things get sorted with a comforting pace. They say it is never too late. Hope; that is the best I can do and just try to make things happen the way I want them to be. I want to do it for someone I really cared for but was unable to do it when I should have done it in the first place. I’m sorry. And also for a someone who cared for all of us and who is now cared for. I miss you all.

Enough of this serious stuff. When most of the people are busy organizing plans for the New Year’s Eve, I really have not decided anything yet. What can I decide? What I really want is to spend the day with my close friends. Many are out if the country and the rest here. All the time I keep saying that, this is, probably the last time we all will be together. Each one is going to go there own way the next year, for work or studies. It’s not like that we will never meet again but as we all have our priorities set and well have to think seriously about our future, it is going to be very difficult. However, some of the people do not understand what they are going to miss in the coming days. They still think that a ‘party’ is more important than friends are. Well the whole year some people are partying nearly 3 days of the week. When they will know, it will be late to understand what I really meant to say.

I don’t’ think it is hard to follow what I have written. And it’s not that I am jealous, I just care more about my friends than a party where I’m not invited. Even if I do not have money to flaunt, I do have my dignity, self-respect and my conscience to answer. Simple.

Anyway, like people are going to change?

Well I wish every one of my friends a very Healthy, Happy and Prosperous New Year! May all your dreams come true. Take care people!

Hope to write as frequent as possible, much like a journal/diary

Smile?? :)

Smile is what most of them say. Even if you are upset,smile. C'mon, never get angry or what? This is stupid. Is this a kind of 'Neo-Gandhism' or what? And I may be wrong, but I consider anger an emotion.

Well anger is an emotion along with all the other emos. Moreover, it is a very important element in anyone’s life. If you don’t ever get angry, you are already dead! Then what should we do of anger? One should know how to control and channel his/her anger properly in order to smile after that. Anyway, should not all of these emotions/expressions be part of one's life? There should be a balance of all emotions, I say, otherwise if the emotional equilibrium collapses everyone knows what shit happens. Still many people say don't get angry just smile and forget it? Forget what? The insults and all that crap dumped on you at work, by friends and family, etc. And when they get angry no one sees that. Only a person’s anger is singled out many times. Well enough of that, now I’m getting angry. What I want to say remains as it is.

I sometimes hate the people for saying this five-letter word. Smile, as if it's that simple. Life is not always a photo opportunity to smile each and every time. If only it was that easy for everything to change in one facial expression. I wish that by turning up the corners of my mouth, I could change who I am, what and how I feel, what I want and everything stirring up inside my head.

Well about my much-awaited break from the routine, I still haven’t got the time  and hopefully I will as I’m going to Goa for work. Well forget it; things will get back to normal. All of them. I hope.

Haha as if smiling were the solution. Smile heeeeeeeeeeeeee

More later :)