Today I am not feeling well. I mean I am fine health wise, but some baddish feeling is there somewhere and because of that feeling, I am getting a bit irritated. I have too many things on my mind and nearly all of them are important. I am not that suitable frame of mind at this moment to handle all this. I know I can handle it, but it will surely take some time. And time is what I don’t have. I am not dying or anything, but I roughly have 4 months in which I have to settle at least half of these dilemmas. I am royally messed up and all confused. I do not even know if what I am writing is making any sense!
One thing I am sure of is that I am a bit closer to what I want in terms of my career. I hope that it will be done with minimum hassles. I am trying hard to get it.The other thing; girls. Why won’t a normal person, not want to be with girls, want to fall in love at this age? There I used the much-dreaded word, ‘LOVE’. And this is bugging me greatly. I feel that I am lonely and really need someone to get over the loneliness now. I want to fall in love. It has been a long time since I have been in love (Don’t know if it was love, it was a long
time back). I do have a crush on someone I know, call it infatuation, obsession, passion (all mean the same I guess) or anything else, I don’t care. And I hope I know what it exactly is soon. I am interested in making a move (if you get what I mean), but there are other priorities that need to be taken care of first. Moreover, if I have to take care of that, all this will have to wait for another 3 years or so, and then it would be late. This may be the punishment I get, for the misdoings in the past and I know I have to overcome them at any cost. And I will pull it off, somehow. That’s what I think.
It is not that I don’t have the guts (I agree, better say I don’t have some guts) to talk to the girl. Nevertheless, when I do, I’m unable to convey my feelings in a proper way to her. I just want to ask her out, for a coffee or something and then may be know what she thinks. It’s not that it would rush things, friends can/do go out right? Only if I could tell her! Another thing is that I am a bit afraid to get hurt; I have been hurt more times, than I could think of deserving. I know that there are many girls out there but I certainly don’t have that much time to go after them to find the ONE. I know many girls with whom I would like to talk; but I think most of them are out of the league. And amongst it all, the girls I like are either engaged, going around or not interested at all. Most of the girls my age are nowhere to be seen. Still I could feel that I am in love (I think I am), yet all those things seem too far away from me. So close, but how far! What should I do? How can I find out if anyone out there likes me? (Not the ones I don’t want to be with ever) How can I ask her out once? I have a feeling that she won’t, still I’m an optimistic about it.
Words like marriage, family, money, job and other responsibilities are crossing my mind and scaring the shit out of me. I can’t avoid them either. As the matter of fact, in about 4-5 years or so I have to face them head on and embrace them. Let’s hope for the best.
If you don’t get it, forget it? (What I have written that is!)
More next time.
1 comment:
Ameya -- you are still young. Happiness comes from within. If you aren't happy with who you are, fundamentally, don't expect to find happiness from another person. Enjoy the liberties of being single while you can.
That said, meeting girls is easy [i'm a girl, so take my word for it]. She can't read your mind -- so you simply have to be a man and open your mouth and talk to her. Beauty is common, and sweet indian girls are common. What is rare is the man who is mature enough to appreciate the perfection of women. If you are sensitive enough to realize that women are not simple play-things designed by God to make men happy, chances are you will find a girl who will like you. Girls like progressive guys who are sensitive, supportive, and interesting.
You know what drives me nuts about Indian culture? What drives me nuts is how planned everything is. Why do you have to wait three years for love? Love happens; just like shit happens. You can't always plan when it happens and with whom.
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